Spot's Canine Humor

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vetpulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador

As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet fussed with the dog and took it out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably... dead."

He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!"  She cried, "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead!?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but what with the Lab report and the cat scan...

How to clean the toilet:
  1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.
  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid. ) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
  4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a " power-wash " and "rinse".)
  5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
  6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
  7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!

Sincerely, The Dog

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© 1998-2003 Mark D. Glewwe
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Last modified August, 2003