Humor & Quotable Quotes

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. "May I help you?", she asked.

"I want to see Natalie," the man replied. "Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady. Perhaps you would prefer someone else." said the madam.

"No. I must see Natalie," was the man's reply. Natalie was paged, and when she appeared, she announced to the man that
she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one hundred dollar bills and gave them to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

Next night, the same man appeared, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that few men had ever come back two nights in a row - too expensive - and even though she appreciated the return business, there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie; they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie her usual fee and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie's curiosity got the better of her; "No one has ever visited me three nights in a row. Where pray tell are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "Wellsboro."

"Really," she said, "I have family in Wellsboro."

"I know," the man said, "Your father passed away. I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story: Some things in life are certain...

Death
Taxes
Being screwed by a lawyer

There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should
be a large elderly population with
perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

Cool things about being a man:

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
Hot wax never omes near your pubic area.
Same work .. more pay.
Wrinkles-add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from thepassenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
No maxi-pads.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become life long friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
The world is your urinal.

Ten Things men know for sure about women.

They have breasts.

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