Happy Holidays - 2004
year the Glewwe clan children have hijacked the annual Christmas letter.We
saw the parental letter that you were all supposed to get. Trust us, this
one is better. First off, ours is more truthful.For instance, Dad would
love to tell you all about the wonderful world of root beer.It’s a lie!
There is nothing wonderful about getting up on SATURDAY MORNING, tossing
a bunch of cases of root beer in the back of the van and going to sell
at the farmer’s market. Did we mention that this is Saturday? Morning?
Something that I thought was a myth until we, the children, were forced
to experience such an unholy thing. And did it stop with the end of the
Farmer’s Market? No! Apparently there are craft fairs and festivals that
need root beer sales too.
save the children. Boycott Glewwe Root Beer.
Insert: No Problem! I am working on the Orange Soda, Cream Soda, and
Ginger Ale even now as the kids are focused on writing this pack of lies.
Next summer, the empire will grow to heights of child labor unfathomable
by their juvenile minds.>>
And did we mention the fact that Dad also
left his family to go to a chocolate festival in Pennsylvania? We were
abandoned for chocolate! Well, at least he did bring home some of the chocolate.
don’t go thinking the Mother of this clan is innocent. Her most recent
transgressions include signing Erik up to work at Fong’s on his days off.
Oh, yea. You probably haven’t heard about that. The poor boy worked at
the Farmer’s Market, and then got a job at the local Chinese food restaurant
and is currently a junior at Prior Lake. So, when Erik’s new boss calls,
wondering if he can work on his day off, Mom's answer is always ‘yes’.
for Diana…well, she has been very sketchy on the details of what has been
going on her last year of Madison. But when she returned briefly for Thanksgiving,
her hair was partly blonde and there was a promise of graduation at the
end of this school year with a Bachelor of Science in Political Science.
inquiry: Does anyone know what sort of self-sustaining income can be
made with a degree in “political science”? An oxymoron if ever there was.>>
Xena is still alive and causing trouble.
Her kennel is now on it third form of lock, the first two having been found
inferior to keeping a rottweiller locked up. She is still looking for a
pet to call her own. The dog spent most of the summer finding rabbit’s
nests, scooping up baby bunnies and carrying them around. There is nothing
quite like seeing the frighten eyes of a rabbit staring at you through
the fangs of a large dog. But since none of the rabbits were ever harmed
by this and all were released back into the wild, by the end of the summer,
the rabbits were becoming quite accustomed to being scooped up and carried
around like this. Diana and Erik are pretty sure they released at least
one rabbit several times.
cat would like to go on the record though as stating the dog is still too
stupid and hyper and if it chases Shadow one more time, there is going
to be a trip to the vet for stitches.
of pets, we are wearing Mom down. Soon there may be a hamster running around
the Glewwe household as well. Possibly even as you are reading this, a
little hamster will be irritating both the Mother and the cat with its
presence as it rolls around in one of those plastic balls.
well we have to go dispose of those other letters that you were supposed
to get. Diana is getting the fireplace ready and Erik is grabbing a few
more marshmallows. After all, that much paper shouldn’t just be wasted.
Reduce, reuse and recycle and all that.
and if the parental units do ask, please don’t mention this to them. We’d
appreciate it greatly,