Chocolate Humor & Quotable Quotes


Exercise is a dirty word.  Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

- Charles M. Schultz

Chocolate Why God gave us tastebuds.

A box of chocolates is more than just a meal!

The 12-step chocoholics program:

Terry Moore

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands
- and then eat just one of the pieces.

Judith Viorst

Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets.

Milton Zelman, publisher of "Chocolate News"

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.

If it ain't chocolate, it ain't breakfast!

There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE

Linda Grayson, "The Pickwick Papers"

"Liquidum non frangit jejunum." ([chocolate] liquids, amongst them, do not constitute a break in fasting.)

Cardinal Francis Maria Brancaccio of the Vatican, 1662

Chocolate: Here today .... Gone today!

Forget love-- I'd rather fall in chocolate!!!

I never met a chocolate I didn't like.

Deanna Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation

Nobody knows the truffles I've seen!

Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing.

Milton Snavely Hershey

A true chocolate lover finds ways to accommodate his passion and make it work with his lifestyle.
One key, not just to keeping weight down and staying guilt-free, but also to keeping taste buds sharp (essential for the professionals who evaluate new products as well as judge recipes), Is being discriminating.

Julie Davis of the Los Angeles Times, 10/30/85

Seen recently on a tee shirt ~ EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.

This guy found a bottle on the ocean, and he opened it and out popped a genie, and he gave him three wishes.
The guy wished for a million dollars, and poof! there was a million dollars.
Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! there was a convertible.
And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women... poof! he turned into a box of chocolates.

It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate.
Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man.
Miranda Ingram

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!

Lucy Van Pelt (in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz)
Chocolate is good for three things. Two of 'em cannot be mentioned on public television.

"Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso." (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.)

Spanish proverb

Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.

I don't understand why so many "so called" chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, 'nuff said.

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food.

Michael Levine, nutrition researcher, as quoted in
The Emperors of Chocolate: Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.

Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt.

A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.

Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

I am a serious chocoholic. For the serious chocoholic, chocolate is better than sex.
If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind.
If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!

Chocolate is the best when it melts so creamy and soft in your mouth and it slides down your throat.

Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.
Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.

Lora Brody, author of Growing Up on the Chocolate Diet

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.

Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)

If life is like a box of chocolates, then its time for me to buy another box,
I seemed to have already devoured all the good ones!

Life is like a box of chocolates, the best ones are half eaten!!

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good.
Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.

Chocolate - The breakfast of champions!

Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favor of dirt.

Sandra Boynton, author of Chocolate: the Consuming Passion

Chocolate in the morning is what makes moms get through their day!

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose.
An entire garment industry would be devasated.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Note: the above two entries are from "The Rules of Chocolate", author unknown.

Chocolate flows in deep dark, sweet waves, a river to ignite my mind and alert my senses.

Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!

Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.

Everything I eat should contain either garlic or chocolate, but rarely both.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produced some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.
The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.

Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

Twill make Old Women Young and Fresh;
Create New Motions of the Flesh.
And cause them long for you know what,
If they but taste of chocolate.

from "A History of the Nature and Quality of Chocolate", James Wadworth (1768-1844)

Chocolate: luscious, lumpy. load of love......

All of the evil that people have thrust upon chocolate is really more deserved by milk chocolate, which is essentially contaminated. The closer you get to a pure chocolate liquor (the chocolate essence ground from roasted cacao beans) the purer it is, the more satisfying it is, the safer it is, and the healthier it is.

Arnold Ismach, "The Darker Side of Chocolate"

... the taste of chocolate is a sensual pleasure in itself, existing in the same world as sex...
For myself, I can enjoy the wicked pleasure of chocolate... entirely by myself. Furtiveness makes it better.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

Simply put... everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!

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© 1998-2003 Mark D. Glewwe
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Last modified February, 2004